


How To Not Give Your Enemy A Miraculous

by Huneycomb



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-23 14:29:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20341642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Huneycomb/pseuds/Huneycomb
Summary: When Hawkmoth and Chat Noir discovers each others identity, chaos and high jinks ensues! Will the city of Paris be saved from the walking fashion disaster and will Ladybug recover her lost brain cells?





	How To Not Give Your Enemy A Miraculous

Adrien knew since that faithful day, his whole life would be turned upside-down.

That faithful day where he found out how horribly idiotic and stupid his old man was.

Adrien was returning from defeating a balloon animal based akuma. He yawned and stretched his arms before stumbling onto his couch. He closed his eyes for a second before Plagg hurriedly yanked on his arm. Adrien yawned loudly, annoyed at his kwami's nagging.

"Plagg, what in kwami's is it?" As he sat up. Behind him, a loud noise of a cup shattering. Adrien's eyes opened wide before he turned around to look at his gaping father.

_Shit._

"F-F-Father."

"Of all the times for Nathalie to have the flu-"

"F-Father! T-T-This is not what it looks like."

Gabriel pinched his noise and shook his head. "Nooroo, please tell me i'm dreaming."

Plagg's ears perked up as he flew up forward, staring Gabriel with a glare. "Nooroo?!? WhERE IS HE ASSFART?" Adrien's eyes that previously held fear now held confusion. He looked at Gabriel and noticed a purple butterfly hiding behind his legs.

That suspiciously looked like a kwami.

Adrien lifted a finger and pointed it at his father. "Y-Yo-"

"Adrien, I can explai-"

"YOU AKUMATIZED A _SALESPERSON_ WHO HAD NO SUCCESS SELLING _ANIMAL BALLOONS__!!_" Adrien cried out, holding his stomach. "THE DESIGN WAS- AHAHaH- aND THOSE SUPERPOWERS-"

"Adrien-"

"--AhhHHh!! HE WAS LITERALLY GIVING PEOPLE FREE DOG BALLOONS HE MADE OUT OF THIN AIR-" He looked up and paused to see his father glaring at him.

"... Let's get this over with. Give me your miraculous."

"How about you answer my question first, what's with the akuma? It's literally 9 AM on a Saturday and I really wanted to sleep in. Talk about desperation-"

"I was not desperate Adrien, I just was stressed without Nathalie." He glared at the snickering kid. "Now answer my question; give me your miraculous."

"How about no, PLAGG CLAWS OUT."

Gabriel put up his arms to protect himself from the green light flashing before. He looked back up to see Chat Noir perched upon the open window. "ADRIEN! GET DOWN FROM THERE OR YOU'RE GROUNDED-"

"YOU CAN'T GROUND ME YOU ASSHOLE!" Chat Noir hollered as he stuck up his middle finger. He did a backflip and used his baton to jump across the rooftops.

Gabriel stood there for a couple of seconds before dialing Nathalie.

"Nathalie-"

"Sir, I _cough_ have the flu- I'll be back to work in two da-"

"Nathalie, I need help. My son is Chat Noir and he's turning into a teenager. None of the parenting books have prepared me for this-"

There was silence before an exasperated sigh can be heard from the other line.

"Did I say two days? I meant two months. Goodbye Gabriel-"

_Click_

A snicker can be heard from Nooroo, which further decreased Gabriel's temper.

* * *

"Chat Noir! I'll be back soon, hold them off!"

"Understood M'lady!"

Ladybug sent him a concerned and puzzled look before vaulting off with the teapot lucky charm. Chat Noir sighed and turned back to the akuma. Alya's twin sisters got akumatized again, Chat really did not want a repeat of last time.

But thanks to his bad luck. he got backed into a corner.

He stood his ground, not angry at the akuma cornering him, but _pissed_ that his father was trying to get his Miraculous. One of the Sapotis held his baton and used it to twirl around. A butterfly symbol flashed on all of their faces before turning to him.

"Shit." He mumbled, he pressed his back further to the wall, looking around hoping Ladybug would come.

He didn't expect the Sapotis to be talking to him.

"Young man," The sapotis' voice echoed, "Do not ever say shit again, you're grounded."

Chat Noir blinked, "Well excUSEE ME FATHER! IT IS 2 _IN THE MORNING_WHEN YOU SENT AN AKUMA. CAN YOU _NOT?"_

The Sapotis gave him a look of disapproval before responding, "Come to the dark side, we have cookies."

"Are you seriously trying to bribe me father with sweets that i'm not allowed to have?"

"Adrien, help me get Ladybug's miraculous and-"

"And what? You'll give me cookies when I can clearly go as Chat Noir and get free cookies?"

"--Don't you dare young man-"

The Sapotis were cut off by a yoyo string. He looked up to see Rena Rogue and Ladybug jumping down and wiping out the remaining Sapotis around him.

"Chat Noir, You okay?"

"I'm fine Bugaboo, but how are we going to defeat this akuma? Surely they won't fall for another amusement park!"

Rena Rogue mumbled, "They got akumatized over hot chocolate, fuck it let's just make an illusion of a chocolate fountain.

They defeated the akuma 3 minutes later.

* * *

Adrien was not happy when the Gorilla found him and driven him back to the mansion. His father was standing on the stairs and Gorilla took that as his cue to leave.

"Adrien, you're grounded and i'm taking your mir-"

"Father, I was literally hanging out with Nino, you didn't even give me my schedule-"

"I am a busy man-"

"A busy man who makes atrocious looking akumas in his free time-"

"Adrien, do not insult my designs-"

"Bubbler-"

"I was inspired by the colors he had with that bubble- what ever you millennials call it."

"Mr. Pigeon." He deadpanned.

"I thought I should base it off a pigeon-"

"Reflekta-"

"I... I was drawing high heels for an upcoming-- uh- line."

Through the painfully awkward silence you could hear the two kwamis snickering in their respected jackets. Adrien rolled his eyes and looked over at his father. "I'm going back out, if you send another akuma out, I will throw you off a building."

"Then give me your miraculous."

The sound of the door slamming echoed through the mansion.

* * *

Adrien walked into school on a Monday tired and done with life. He walked into class when all eyes fell on him.

"AdriKINS!" Chloe squealed, "What are you wearing!"

Adrien looked down to see he was wearing a bright green cardigan and a brown shirt. He soon realized in horror that he didn't bother to check what clothes he threw on.

His friends winced when he turned to them. Marinette looked like she was on the edge of having a fashion attack.

"Do I really look that bad guys?" He asked concerned for their mental health.

"Nah man," Nino shook his head furiously, "I-I- I think Nathalie should keep picking your outfits."

"A-A-A-Adrien you uh- uhm- You look nice!"

Alya slapped her best friend's arm and a surprised cry came from Marinette. "GIRL, YOU'RE AN ASPIRING FASHION DESIGNER HE LOOKS LIKE SHIT ADMIT IT!!"

Chloe sniffled, "Adrikins, even your daddy must have been dying at your- outfit..."

The classroom was filled with snickers and smirked before they burst into laughter. Adrien looked around confused on why his whole class were waggling their eyebrows.

"What's so funny."

Alya took off her glasses to wipe away at her tears, "You are so precious Adrien."

A lightbulb- no two lightbulbs went off in his head. "Hey Nino, can I borrow some actually fashionable clothes so I can make it through the school?"

"Sure man," he snorted before tossing him an extra shirt. "This should help your _daddy_ calm down from the fashion show."

As Adrien was changing his shirt in a bathroom stall, he thought about what happened earlier. "Plagg, I'm pretty sure my dad's going to send an akuma out."

"Kid, if you're thinking what i'm thinking, no."

* * *

"I WILL DEVOUR YOU! I AM THE FELL DRAGON GRIMA!” The akuma shouted before launching a powerful beam at Ladybug. Ladybug somersaulted out of the way, before twirling her yoyo as a shield. The beam made her stumble and fall down. Ladybug flipped open her yoyo to contact her partner.

"Chat Noir! I need help, the akuma is a person floating with a dragon besides him!" She rolled out of the way of another attack, hoping that her partner got the message.

"Ladybug! Watch out!"

Chat jumped onfront of Ladybug and spun his baton, creating another shield. The force of the impact caused Chat Noir to stumble.

"Chaton! Thank godness you're he---. what are you wearing." She deadpanned.

"Like what you see M'lady?"

She looked over him. His boots were now a disgusting brownish yellow and his belt was a combination of a red fading into a white color. She looked up at his outfit to see that the outlines on his suit were cyan. On the front of his suit, there was a picture of a orange cat with the words "Orange you glad this is not Orange Leather?"

Oh, and his gloves were red with black spots.

"What the fuck are you wearing."

"M'Lady, what are you talking about? This is fashion!" He flexed off his muscles more. "I look fabulous."

He heard a gasp and turned towards the akuma, whose face lit up with the butterfly symbol.

"WHAT IS THAT DISGUSTING--- AHHHH" The akuma screeched, grabbing its white hair in fistfuls.

"Like what you see Hawkmoth?" Chat Noir winked and flashed him a smirk. He snickered when he noticed the akuma's eyes twitching in distress.

"THIS IS A FASHION DISASTER! NO SON OF MINE-" The akuma was cut off when a yoyo came smacking into his side.

"I AM DESPAIR- AND IN DESPAIR-" Another yoyo, but instead to his head.

Ladybug quickly purified the akuma with a look of _it's too early for this shit_ written on her face.

"Miraculous Ladybug" she mumbled as she tossed up a sword with a red jewel in the middle.

The ladybugs washed over the city, repairing the buildings and returning the boy back to his original form.

"Well M'lady, that battle went we-" _SMACK_. Chat Noir jumped back, "Oi what-" He looked over at Ladybug who was having a heart attack.

"Y-Y-YELLOW BOOTS? THEY LOOK LIKE THOSE CHEAP BOOTS THAT YOU'D WEAR IN THE RAIN BUT WORSE-" S shook her head furiously and leaned on a nearby wall for support. "W-W-WHAT, WHY, WHEN, _WHYYYYYYYY-"_

Chat Noir took a step back. "Uh timer out bye."

"YOU DIDN'T EVEN USE CATACLYSM." Ladybug hollered as Chat scurried away.

* * *

The moment Adrien went through the front doors that evening, he looked up to see his _extremely_ displeased father. He put his hands in his green cardigan and looked up with a Chat Noir smirk.

Plagg was hysterically laughing while floating near his chosen.

"Adrien." Gabriel said through his glasses, which somehow turned into a opaque white.

"Yes _daddy__?"_ Adrien asked, not knowing the _other meaning_ of the word. He mentally made a victory pump when he saw his father twitching uncomfortably.

"_Adrien_." He coughed awkwardly before regaining "control". "What in the world are you wearing..."

Adrien twirled around and bowed, "The latest fashion."

"You're grounded, go to your room and give me your miraculous."

Adrien looked up feigning innocence. "How about instead I go outside as Adrien wearing this-"

Gabriel rubbed his temple, knowing a headache was coming. "Adrien, for the love of _god_ and everything _holy_ I forbid you to not to run around looking like a walking clown."

Adrien pouted before going to his bedroom.

* * *

Gabriel hates the internet.

Especially anything to do with his mortal enemies.

Especially Chat Noir.

So on a Tuesday Morning, at 7 AM, when he saw a viral video being spread around of Chat Noir in... _That_ outfit his immediate reaction was to call Nathalie.

"Nathalie-"

"Sir, I am sick for two years."

"Please help me Nathalie, my son is stuffing cookies and ice cream in his mouth."

"..."

"His diet is in _shambles!"_

**click**

_This day couldn't get worse, he thought_.**  
**

Until the Gorilla handed him the weekly news article, which Gabriel keeps forgetting to cancel his subscription. He looked over at the newspaper preparing to throw it out. He paused and his eyes bulged as Gabriel looked back at the newspaper.

**ADRIEN AGRESTE LEAKS NEW FASHION LINE!**

Adrien Agreste can be seen walking around the streets of Paris with blue cowboy boots and a pink fedora. When interviewed, Adrien claims that "What i'm wearing is very important. The next theme of the Gabriel Agreste Brand is cotton candy fedoras."

Fashion expert Audrey Bourgois gives her imput on this situation. "This is utterly ridiculous! If this was a trend, then I of all people should have known about it!"

Gabriel adjusted his glasses and looked at the picture they took of Adrien. There was cotton candy all over his shirt and fingers, Gabriel was about to puke at the sight.

_Damn Paparazzi._

Gabriel was at his all time low at lunch. He sat by himself in his office contemplating life and questioning the stars why his life was this way. His phone buzzed, as he picked it up and saw a notification from Adrien's social media.

> "Eating lunch with Marinette! We got an extra large pizza with an even bigger milkshake!"
> 
> Above was a picture of Adrien wrapping his arm around the red faced designer and using the other to take a selfie. In the back, he can just make out an extra large pizza like the caption said and a chocolate milkshake.

Hawkmoth gave his miraculous three days later to Adrien.

**Author's Note:**

> Bonus if you know the reference with the dragon akuma!


End file.
